Diamond Eyes
by narutogurl
Summary: All Clare wanted was a normal Christmas, but she should have known things never come that simple. CONTINUED AND REVISED!
1. Breaking Down

**Author's Note: This is the first Degrassi fanfic I have ever written, so please be gentle. Also, this has got to be the saddest fic I've ever written. I wrote this when I was pissed off at my parents because of the crap that they have put me though, so yes it's angst. Sorry about that. Hope you enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any characters in this fan fiction. If I did, Eli would be tied to my bed posts, Mwhahahahaha…..**

Christmas. A time to sing, a time to rejoice. A time of warmth. A time of love. A time to just sit around the fireplace, warming your toes with the glowing red-hot embers, sipping eggnog, munching on a good-old-fashioned red and white stripped candy cane, and enjoying the company of one's family as they laugh and talk about old times, past loves, and favorite family memories. But if Christmas was supposed to be so damned happy, then why the hell was Clare Edwards sitting in her gloomy bedroom, freezing her ass off under a paper-thin fleece blanket as she so desperately tried to concentrate on the falling snowflakes outside her window rather than the retched, angry screaming coming from downstairs?

I had wanted nothing more than a normal fucking Christmas, and with everything my parents put me through finalizing the divorce this past fall, they owed it to me. I had everything perfectly planned. The tree was up and freshly decorated, the house was decked out in lights, the feast was in the refrigerator just waiting to be prepared, and Darcy was even coming home. All they had to do was show up, but now I wished with all my heart that they hadn't. What had happened to the Christmas magic from when I was five? Did it all really just evaporate once I turned ten gave up on Santa? Nothing would ever be same as they had once been, and now, sitting on my bed, toes numb from the cold, my hunched body shaking in sorrow as the tears began to stream down my face, ruining Ali's masterpiece, I finally realized it.

"Clarebears?," came a sweet voice from behind, "Are you gonna be alright?"

"Go away!," I sobbed, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, smearing my eyeliner into a huge black, wet glob, "Just please, Darce, I'm not in the mood for any crap you think is going to make me feel better."

"Actually, I wasn't going to try to make you feel better. Because hun, I honestly have no idea where to start." Darcy came to sit on the edge of my mattress, making the rusty old metal springs scream in protest as she did so. She had only stepped off the her plane less than three hours ago and already she was dying to catch the next flight out of Canada, or so it seemed as she awkwardly put her arm around me. When I had emailed her the news of the divorce, Darcy ignored it thinking this was honestly some horribly cruel joke I must have been playing. When she had left for Africa, Mom and Dad were just as perfect as ever, and I was still some meek, nerdy little niner. My world was had crashed and shattered in a million pieces, and there was no way my stupid, abandoning sister would be able to put it back together again.

"...Darcy?" I whispered, my voice a tiny, scared whimper, "H-How was it...over there?"

"Wait a sec, you mean Africa? It was..." Darcy struggled to find a word, "...nice."

"W-what I mean is, H-how was it not knowing?"

"…Clare…I…" she let out a sob, "I…I'm so, so sorry."

"Oh Darcy!" Clare whipped the pillow of her head and latched on to her sister's shaking, sobbing form.

Together, we cried. We clutched at each other's shoulders as the body racking, heart wrenching sobs came, and conquered, with a vengeance unable to control. As our tears mingled, they danced elegantly down faces and necks, finally coming to a rest one the collar of my shirt, soaking the fabric through. Together, we bawled until there were no more tears to weep, leaving behind a throbbing empty ache in my chest.

Finally, when the sobbing had slowly came to stop, I couldn't help myself but clutch pitifully to her blouse. It had been so long, and everything had changed so much since I'd last seen her, and now here she was, cradling me in her toned arms, rocking me gently back and forth as if we were little girls again. Darcy had been my shield, my almighty protector when we were younger, and now, despite all of our differences, she was here once again to save the frightened tiny mess of a girl that was her baby sister. Of course, this time there were no Band-Aids or feel-better-kisses to soothe the pain.

"Shhh…it's gonna be alright, hun. Don't you worry. I'm gonna fix this. Promise." Darcy tried to console me.

"God himself couldn't fix this, Darce," Clare mumbled numbly, her lack of emotion startling, "He sure as hell couldn't save our parents' marriage."

Darcy gasped. "Clare! Do you know you're saying?" Did she honestly think I was still the same little uniform-wearing Jesus-freak?

"….Yeah, I-I do…" I closed my diamond blue eyes, silently willing the tears not to come. "I've…been thinking….a lot…and well, I….I've decided that I….I just…I'm just so confused right now…" Clare inched out of her sister's embrace and brought her knees up to her chest, hiding her face, the last thing she said muffled by the barrier between them. "I don't even really know who I am. Let alone who God is..."

"C-Clare…" Darcy choked on her words. "I know that feeling…all too well. You can trust me on that one."

As I peeked up through my messy curls, my eyes locked with those of the one I had once looked up to the most in my life, and every single word I so desperately needed to say I told through my dull diamond eyes.

"Clare…I'm so, so sorry…"

**AN: Hope that was alright. Sorry about the length. I may continue this… Not sure yet. Your reviews are my cookies! :) 3**


	2. The Cardinal

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, and/or the characters. Oh there is so many things I would do if I did! **

**(A/N): So I was in the writing mood and decided to keep this going. As always, your reviews are my cookies! :)**

Outside my window, the morning glowed beautifully. The fresh snow dusted the tree tops magically, turning our little backyard into a winter wonderland. The snowman that Darcy forced me to help build to lift my spirits, stood at attention, a goofy, lopsided grin adorning his face. A cardinal perched on a snow-covered tree branch, it's chest puffed out, as if announcing his striking red beauty to the world. The world outside mocked me with its cruel yet gentle beauty, while inside the world was bleak, cold, and dying.

I reposed, solicitously pondering the outside world, wishing with all of my heart to be apart of it. I would be bird, and not unlike the boastful cardinal, I would soar gracefully through the treetops, singing my song to everyone to hear for that they instead would ponder the splendor and valor in which I held myself. They would become so overcome with my exquisiteness that they would have no choice but give into the seductive allure of it all and fall violently to their knees to beg of my love and appreciation. Or of course, there was always the option to grace the position of the sturdy redwood, towering over all other trees, bragging my majesty to Mother Nature herself….

I chuckled to myself, wondering where all of this was coming from. I shook the complacent thoughts from my head and stood from my spot at the window seat. There were things to do today, as much as I hated that I needed to get myself around. What was my problem? God, I was so sick of feeling sorry for myself, yet I kept going back to it. I couldn't seem to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.

I had to get my mind off this. Maybe I'd just call Ali and say I wanted to go shopping…actually, that didn't seem like a half bad idea. I mean, Christmas day being yesterday, the mall would be open right? Ali was probably already there blowing her Christmas money on all the "End-of-Season" sales. Just…where was my phone? I swear to God, I was forever losing the thing, and like every ten minutes.

"Uhg…" I groaned to myself as I shifted through the blankets on the window seat. Not there. Where would it have gone? My bed? Did I throw it carelessly under my pillow last night before I fell asleep? Nope. Under my bed, maybe? It could have fallen off my bed and rolled under there…Or not. I rack my brain for the probable possibilities. Aha! The bathroom! I took it with and sat it on the counter while I showered earlier!

I race barefooted down the hall, freezing my toes on the ice-cold hardwood flooring, suddenly dying to be talking to Ali. As a turned and sprint around the corner, my trek ends abruptly as I find myself crashing into a warm, hard object, sending me to my butt on the hard floor.

"What the…?" I look up, my eyes locking with the invading strangers' brooding dark orbs. Eli! "Babe! What are you doing here?" I exclaimed excitedly, jumping to my feet and dusting the nonexistent dirt off of my derriere.

"Just come to wish my beautiful girl a Merry Christmas." Eli smiled, pulling me tight against his body. "Your 'sister' let me in. Since when have you had a sister?"

I looked up at him quizzically. "Darce? I never told you about her? Yeah, she's my sister. She went away on a mission trip to Africa and I haven't seen her in forever and suddenly she decided to come home for Christmas even though she never has before and she hasn't been here for like what? Like two and half years so she doesn't really get what's going on with Mom and Dad and-"

"Clare. Your going to hurt yourself." Eli laughed. I had been rambling again. He always thought it funny to poke fun at my speech habits.

"Sorry." I laughed along with him. I was so great to have my boyfriend back again after a week away. "How was your trip? Bulldog survive the flight?"

"The old man didn't make it ten minutes on the plane before loosing his lunch. But damn girl, the Bahamas were amazing! I still wish you could have come spent Christmas with us."

"God, so do I. You have no idea how bad it was with Mom and her new boyfriend. Talk about akward. He's Darcy's age! And then of course, just to show her up Dad had to bring his soon-to-be baby momma." I grimaced at the thought of my father with that…that slut. "They're not even married anymore, but yet they still can't stop fucking fighting."

"Shhh…baby, it'll be fine. I'm here now to make all your troubles disappear." he whispered, picking me up and wrapping my legs around his waist.

"Eli!" I squealed, "not now! Darcy is downstairs!"

"Nope. She left; told me you were upstairs and that she'd be back in an hour. And excuse me, but your wasting time talking."

"But-"before I could even finish my statement, I was silenced by the warm lips and tongue invading my mouth. Who was I to fight it? Elijah Goldsworthy was one talented man.

**(A/N): Sorry to end it like this but hey, at least there's something to look forward to! ****And sorry about another short chapter. I just really wanted to post something so i decided to just go with this even though its not really finished. BTW: Lemon next chap! ;)**


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